Today is my Father’s birthday. He would have been 92. He has been gone nearly 8 years. It doesn’t seem that long ago that Cathy and I
took him out to eat as we celebrated his 84th birthday. Little did we know that would be his last
birthday dinner in this life. A month
later I was seated at his bedside as he took his last breath.
One cannot choose the family into which one is born. I was lucky.
I was born into a home of loving parents who let me know that I was
loved. I grew up in a home with no alcohol,
profanity or fighting. I actually do not remember my parents having
an argument. I know that my mom and dad
must have had some difficult times of disagreement. We moved Dad into our home toward the end of
his days and I remember telling my wife, “I
loved my mother but I appreciate her more than ever after moving dad into our
home.” I loved him but he could be
difficult at times as he could have his own strong viewpoint on certain
matters. Dad had his faults. His childhood was scarred by a broken home
primary due to alcohol. However, he did
not dwell on difficulty but moved forward and made certain that his children
did not grow up in the same environment.
The ‘addiction gene’ seemed to run strong in his side of the
family. But, I always appreciated how he
didn’t allow it to be given root in our home.
Dad certainly was not perfect but much of the man that I am
today was learned from him. Some time
ago, as preachers are always looking for ways to illustrate points in a sermon,
I ran across; ‘Three stages in a young
man’s life’. It was three simple
sentences that illustrated how a young man related to his father as he grew
up. The first sentence was from an adolescent
who valued having the toughest dad on the block, “My dad can beat up your dad!”
The next was from a teenager who thought he knew more than his previous
generation, “My old man don’t know
nothing!” The third sentence is from
a more mature young man who realizes that as he grew older his father seemed to
grow wiser, “My father used to say…” He is now quoting and passing along his
father’s advice to his children.
My dad left me with a few memorable quotes. He had a habit of saying things that would
make you say, “Huh?” For instance, he
would often say, “I feel better all over
than I do anywhere else!” or “Are you going somewhere or just traveling?” I
often found myself having to translate his sayings to my wife. On one occasion, as he was living with us
late in his life, he was having several medical tests. Dad survived several serious surgeries,
radiation, two types of cancer, a heart attack and a stroke before finally succumbing
to a major stroke. As we were looking at
yet another medical test result Cathy asked, “Pop, what are you going to do if they doctor recommends more radiation
or surgery?” He looked at her, smiled
and said; “Well, I think I am going to
let the low end drag.” She looked at
me wondering what in the world that meant.
I told her that he grew up in an era where it was not uncommon to see
poor folks going through town in a dilapidated mule driven wagon with wobbly
wheels. If a back wheel fell off they
would often not worry about stopping to fix it at that time they would just let
the mule pull the wagon on home while letting the ‘low end drag’, in other
words, “I am not having any more surgery,
radiation or chemotherapy. I am going to
‘drag’ on toward the final destination as I am.”
There were some other things my father said that I kept to
heart and guided me to be the man I am today.
He taught me to work hard and humbly at whatever you do as you provide
for your family with this quote; “Never
be ashamed to take any job that will allow you to provide for your family.” He and my mother were not wealthy but they
taught me to live within my means as they sacrificed and saved to send my
sister and me father in school than they had opportunity to attend wanting us
to give us the opportunity a greater
education provides for a better life(without going into debt to do so). Dad advised me to, “Never let your major monthly payment (usually your house payment) be
more than one week’s pay.” He lived
by basic simple rules and a theology that believed, “If you do what is right and trust God, He will take care of you.”
Again Dad was not perfect ( I think I have already made that
point). He grew up in Mississippi when
segregation was preached (although incorrectly) from the pulpits. As a young boy growing up in the racially turbulent
60’s in Mississippi, God gave me the wisdom and spiritual insight to see the
evils of racism. Dad and I had several serious
discussions as we clearly had differences on the matter of race. I wanted to remain respectful of my father
but I also wanted to show him the evils of racism. On one
occasion I pushed my Bible across the table and said, “Show me one place anywhere in scripture where God desires segregation
or wants you to hate your fellowman because of his race!” After a brief moment of silence, he pushed
Bible back and said, “I guess you know
more about that than me.”
He also had his worst days after mother died suddenly and
unexpectedly with a massive cerebral hemorrhage at age 68. Mother was the love of his life and after she
was gone we realized how much his life was out of balance without her. He told me, “When she died my life ended also…but I wake up each morning.” We were all blessed with her but that is
another story for another day.
My point in sharing these thoughts and memories are simple
while I remember Dad on his birthday. We
all leave a legacy. We cannot choose the
family or life we are born into. My dad
did not choose to have a father who drank, and became mean when he drank. However, he chose to make the best of his
opportunities without becoming bitter.
He chose to trust a simple belief in God that led him to a good woman
who helped him build the happy and stable home that allowed my sister and me to
grow up in a harmonious and loving home.
I learned that although none of us are perfect and we cannot always choose
the situation around us, we can choose to make the best
of every situation and in doing so we have a chance to make a positive
influence on those around us.
I leave you with this.
Dad didn’t say this but he had a plaque on his desk that said, “For every minute you are angry, you lose 60
seconds of happiness.” That plaque and the way Dad taught me to move past the
anger and sadness as quickly as possible while moving toward happiness at every
opportunity will always be with me. I
hope it will help you as well.
