The pretty young sales clerk smiled and asked, “Do you need any help?” I answered, “I need help in more ways than I can answer but for the moment I need you to assist me in purchasing a gift for my wife. I want to give her something special to celebrate the 30th anniversary of the day I proposed.” She sighed, “That is so sweet. I have been engaged for two weeks. What is the secret of a long and happy marriage?” As I made my purchase we talked about the ‘secret’. Others may have their opinion but Cathy and I are more in love now and having more fun than we did on our honeymoon so if your ‘secret’ works for you good enough but here is mine…
There is no real secret! It takes love, hard work, commitment, and a determined obedience to do what you promised to do in front of each other, whatever witnesses gathered at the wedding and God. Now, I realize that does not sell many movie tickets or romance novels but you can ask my wife and she will tell you that we have more lasting REAL romantic moments and REAL romance than any of those fiction novels or movies! Now we both will admit that we have had our adventures with learning each other over the years. (How’s that for PC language in saying that some passionate discussions are not always made with smiling faces?) However, we always wind up better and stronger in our love.
One problem with so many relationships is the misunderstanding of love. A good example comes from an old country song by Tom T. Hall entitled, ‘I Love’. It is meant to be a sweet simple song serenading a girl but listen to a verse; “I love leaves in the wind, pictures of my friends, birds in the world, and squirrels. I love coffee in a cup, little fuzzy pups, bourbon in a glass, and grass and I love you too.” Now, I don’t know about you but I think I realize why ole Tom T. had trouble stayin’ married. When one is on the same level as a glass of whiskey and squirrels one should begin to smell the coffee, which is also on the same level as the love he feels for you “TOO”!
Real love that is the ‘secret’ to marriage is best described in New Testament. Read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 for a good description. The New Testament was originally written in the Greek language. The Greeks had more than one word for love. Three words are prominently used in the Bible. EROS is the physical attraction that usually causes us to notice one another in the first place. It may change from time to time as our physical appearance may do so over the years so a relation built entirely on EROS will be shaky. PHILIA describes the love of a best friend. Philadelphia, the city of Brotherly Love gets its name from that word. Then there is AGAPE which is different. Both of the previous ‘loves’ have to do with feelings and emotions. However AGAPE is not a feeling or emotion but a willful decision of the mind to love someone, even if they are hard to love, unlovable, disappoint you or don’t wind up as you hoped or even happen to be an enemy. Agape is the unfailing love that God has for us. It is truly humanly impossible to have this love without Christ in your life. That is why so many marriages without Jesus do not last.
One can have a relationship based on attraction or looks and when attraction wanes or someone else looks good the attraction goes in that direction. That love is conditional and does usually not last. One can have a relationship based on friendship that is good but without enough passion and commitment to last when things get tough, as they will in this sin-scarred world. None of us get through this life without wounds. That love is also conditional and does not usually last on its own. However, when a relationship has the foundation of Christ who gives us His power to love, forgive & forget and hang in there beyond our human resources when the conditions fluctuate, as they will, THEN we will have the secret! A relationship that balances EROS (attraction), PHILIA, (friendship) and AGAPE (a willful commitment to love and never leave or forsake no matter what happens) has found the secret that is worth sharing.
