Not Waving but Drowning

It was the morning after the famous comedian and actor Robin Williams had committed suicide.  I had just finished a morning meeting with my staff.  As I was returning to my office I stopped by my secretary’s desk to see if there were any messages I had missed while meeting with my staff.  She told me there was a man in the waiting area outside my office who said he needed to talk to a pastor.  One never knows what that means, often it is someone seeking financial help, but after doing this for many years you learn to keep an open mind and seek to help as you are able. 

By his appearance the man seemed clearly not to be a ‘street person’ seeking financial help.  He was middle-aged and well dressed.  I asked him to come into my office and have a seat as I inquired how I may be helpful to him.  He paused and stared at me and then said, “Suppose a person does something really really bad just before they die, will they go to Hell?” With the news of Robin Williams’ suicide so fresh I felt that I knew what he was asking.  I also knew I had to be careful in how I responded.   One never takes talk of suicide lightly.  People have often wondered if suicide is an unpardonable sin, because one cannot confess and receive forgiveness for that final act.  That assumption is theologically wrong for several reasons. 

First, while regular confession of sin is important as we continually need to acknowledge actions from which we need to repent, it is essential to remember that our sin was forgiven on the cross 2000 years ago.  Our profession of faith in that action and acceptance of His gift of salvation gives us forgiveness of all sin.  A person’s eternal destiny depends on our relationship with Jesus not on the last act we commit before we die, whether the final act is sinful or not.  When one is born again as a child of God one cannot lose their salvation or their status in the family of God.  The scriptures are clear on that matter.  Our faith in Christ, not our last action determines our eternal destiny.  One could utter a word of profanity in their last breath and that final sinful utterance would not affect the eternal destiny of a born again child of God.  The theologically correct answer is not always the most helpful one when someone is contemplating self-harm.   If I told him that he would not lose his salvation by taking his own life I might be giving him the permission he was seeking to harm himself.

I began a conversation to find out why he felt so discouraged and hopeless.  Then I began showing him reasons to live and ways to improve his attitude and situation.  To my relief he left the office with a different attitude.  As time went on I wondered how things turned out for the stranger who wandered into my office that day seeking permission to end his life.  Several months later I was delighted to see him sitting in the congregation with his wife. Both were enjoying a better life. 

I am reminded of two poems (yes, I did pay attention and remember some things from those literature classes).  The first is ‘Richard Corey’ by Edward Arlington Robinson;

Whenever Richard Cory went down town,

We people on the pavement looked at him:

He was a gentleman from sole to crown,

Clean favored, and imperially slim.

And he was always quietly arrayed,

And he was always human when he talked;

But still he fluttered pulses when he said,

"Good-morning," and he glittered when he walked.

And he was rich—yes, richer than a king—

And admirably schooled in every grace:

In fine, we thought that he was everything

To make us wish that we were in his place.

So on we worked, and waited for the light,

And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;

And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,

Went home and put a bullet through his head.

The second poem is entitled ‘Not Waving but Drowning ‘ by Stevie Smith;

Nobody heard him, the dead man,

But still he lay moaning:

I was much further out than you thought

And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking

And now he’s dead

It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,

They said.

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always

(Still the dead one lay moaning)

I was much too far out all my life

And not waving but drowning.

Both poems and my experience with the visitor in my office that day cause me to reflect on how we rarely know the burdens that those we encounter every day may be carrying.  We need to be constantly sensitive to the actions and cries for help that may often be subtle or hidden but are around us every day.  People we envy, who seem to have it all together may be like Ricard Corey living lonely and despondent lives.  Others we encounter may be like the man who came to my office that day.  He really did not want to end his life.  Those who have made that fateful decision usually follow through without seeking permission.  He really wanted desperately for someone to know he was ‘not waving but drowning’. 

Seek to be aware of those you encounter.  They may feel that they have gone out too far in their life and are drowning.  They need rescuing encouragement rather than a polite courteous response.   A return wave may be a polite response but if the person is not waving but drowning they may need more.  It can become easy to get so caught up in your own self that you see and envy those who seem to ‘have it all’ wishing your life was like theirs all the while we can miss their cry for help as their life is not as ideal as we imagine.  Or we can become so busy and consumed with our own interests that others around us become invisible.  Never be in too much of a hurry to hear and respond to what people are really trying to communicate.  Don’t miss the opportunity to reach out and show love to anyone you encounter. 

If you are ever like Richard Corey and feel lost, hopeless and lonely don’t be afraid to talk to someone about your feelings.  Don’t ‘keep up appearances’ until you become too discouraged to go on.  It is never wrong or too late to let someone know you feel like you are drowning.  There is often a stigma in seeking help or counseling when, in fact, those who seek help are actually heathier.  All of us have problems from time to time that may seem to overwhelm us and cause us to feel as if we are drowning.  It is unhealthier to deny and suppress those feeling than to share them with someone who may be able to help you through the struggle.  When seeking help or referring others to help always consider what I call ‘the 3 C’s’ ; seek the help of someone who is a competent Christian counselor.  So whether you are discouraged, hopeless feeling as if you are drowning or if you need to be more sensitive to those you encounter remember the hope we all need to carry and share is Jesus.  As long as there is Christ there is hope. 

Never envy what someone else has.  Never give up on your own situation.  Never get so caught up in your life that you become unaware or insensitive to those around you.  We are all in this journey together.  Never be afraid to listen or share with others you encounter along the way.  Don’t worry about having all the answers.  None of us truly have it all together.  We all just need to know there are others who may be struggling along with us.  As D. T. Niles eloquently stated; "Christianity is one beggar telling another beggar where he found bread" 

The End???

Here we go again.  Another ‘religious’ group has predicted the rapture will happen and they say it will be tomorrow.  The ‘rapture’ is the belief that the true followers of Jesus will bodily ascend to Heaven just before the tribulation and terrible events begin that lead to the end of this world as we know it.  Before you panic and begin overindulging on your favorite desserts as a last meal, remember this is not the first prediction.  In fact, over history many have tried to predict the end times according to various interpretations of scripture.  Obviously all have been wrong since we are still here and you are reading this (if you have not dozed off already). 

Rather than all these predictions made on obscure, misguided and wild interpretations of the scriptures I think it is best to look what the Bible does say clearly about the matter.  1 Thessalonians 5:1-4 says; “Now, brothers and sisters, about times and dates we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves are fully aware that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night. While people are saying, “There is peace and security,” then sudden destruction will come upon them as labor pains come upon a pregnant woman, and they will not escape. But you are not in darkness, brothers, for that day to surprise you like a thief.”  A thief in the night does not announce a time of his coming.  So the Bible is telling us not to worry about any prediction and don’t feel bad if it surprises you.  Believers will be surprised just as those ‘in darkness’ will also be surprised.  The rest of the chapter guides believers to live an honorable life being alert and aware of God’s teaching and encourage others to do the same.

Jesus is even clearer on the subject as He shared in Matthew 24:36 that no one has a clue on the timing except God in Heaven; “But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, but My Father only.” So according to Jesus, no one on earth or even the angels of heaven know when the end will come.  Consequently, according to Jesus, anyone who claims to know when the end is coming is wrong.  Jesus is clear about an ending of this sin-scarred world.  It will happen!  We are just not to know or worry about when.  He gives us many teachings and parables guiding us to live a life being prepared, watching, waiting and ready for that day. 

He also teaches in John 14 that he is going to prepare a room in Heaven for everyone who places faith in Him.  He will also come back and take us to our room in Heaven when our time on this earth ends.  So whether it is the end of ‘the’ world or the end of ‘your’ world, rest assured if you are a born again follower of Jesus, He is coming to take you to your eternal home in Heaven and it will be OK…well it will actually be more than OK; it will be great! 

So what does this all mean?  Well, if you are born again, you just need to make the most of each day with a joyful expectancy that when your life ends Jesus will come and escort you to a glorious eternal existence.  As John Wayne would say, “You can take that to the bank in Denver!”  I never really knew what that meant but when he said it in the movies it sounded like something you could count on.  Whether you like John Wayne or not, you can definitely trust what Jesus tells us in John 14!  So born again believers need to live each day knowing life on earth is fleeting, fragile and brief.  We never know when it may come to a sudden end for us, so we need to live each moment as if it could be our last. 

Let me close with two personal stories that I hope will make the point.  At seminary a couple of friends and I were pulling an all-night cram session for our Greek exam the next day.  As the night wore on and hopeless desperation creeped in, my buddies decided the best thing to do was to pray for Jesus (and the rapture) to come before the Greek exam.  I told them that my faith was not as strong as theirs so I was going to study while they prayed.  Living a life of expectation does not mean you ignore or shirk the responsibilities of giving your best in all you need to do each day.  The best way to live, as Jesus clearly taught, is to be ready but continue to live a full life doing your best while here on earth at each moment. 

The second personal story came at a time that precedes my seminary studies.  My theology was not as fully developed then but hang with the story because the end message is theologically sound and makes a good point.  A couple of guys who had been some of my closest friends as we grew up together contacted me.  After college we got jobs that took us in different directions.  We had not seen each other in quite a while and circumstances were going to allow us to all be in the same city for a day.  We decided to get together.  My buddies chose to meet at a well-known bar.  I didn’t drink but I wanted to see them and decided to have my drink of choice, Dr. Pepper.  I also knew that three was my limit.  Anyway, we were enjoying catching up with one another when I had this strange stirring and began to think, “What if the end of the world came right now and Jesus came for me.  I would hate for him to have to come in this bar to get me.”   Remember, there were some holes in my theology at that time but at least I was sure of my salvation and give me credit for being concerned about what Jesus would find me doing.  I told my buddies that I was enjoying our time together but I would wait and finish our visit outside.  I guess I thought the parking lot would be a better place to meet with Jesus than inside the bar. 

I asked you to hang with the story and if you have here is the point.  I doubt if the rapture will come tomorrow, as this latest group has predicted.  However, the end will come for all of us.  So the best thing to do, since we know it question is not ‘if’ but ‘when’, is to live a life where every moment of your day you are involved in an activity, attitude, relationship or location where you would not be ashamed but would be proud if Jesus suddenly showed up.  That means, as 1 Corinthians 10:31 teaches; “Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”  So, if Jesus shows up for all of us tomorrow (don’t hold your breath) or if He comes for you (or me) whenever it is time for our life on earth to end, I hope you will make every effort to be ready and always be found rejoicing in the abundant life He died for you to have and loving your fellowman as you love yourself.  So whatever happens I hope tomorrow is great for you!

Crawley Stubblefield

In my mid-twenties, when I was more athletic, I was a fairly competent tennis player…until the fateful summer of 1978.  That was the year of my epic match with Crawley Stubblefield.  I was the Recreation Director for the Gulfshore Baptist Assembly.  It sounds glamourous but it was a summer job while I was in seminary.  I led a crew of college kids who built a softball field, restored the facility that had been rebuilt after Hurricane Camille and created a recreation program for the church groups that came to the Baptist campgrounds that summer.  We had several weeks of retreats with youth, music students and senior adults from Baptist churches all over the state of Mississippi.  Our job was to provide recreation for the groups while at Gulfshore.  It was a fun job as I got to be in charge of a group of enthusiastic  Christian college students as my recreation crew as well as all the recreational activities of each week.  I was in my mid-twenties with a ‘large and in charge’ ego and admired by my younger crew…until I met my match with Crawley Stubblefield. 

It was the first week of several senior adult retreats.  I knew Mr. Stubblefield as a beloved elderly (early 80’s) deacon from my home church.  He and Mrs. Stubblefield were a wonderful Christian couple, loved by everyone.  They were at Gulfshore with the group from my home church and someone told me that Mr. Stubblefield wanted to play tennis and needed a partner.  Well, I was in my mid-twenties, fit and well known as the best tennis player at Gulfshore so I told them I would gladly play a game with Mr. Stubblefield.  I thought I would just go easy on the ‘old guy’ and lob balls over the net until he got tired.  However, I did not know Mr. Stubblefield went to college on a tennis scholarship and had been an accomplished life-long tennis player.

As I sent soft lobs over the net rocket shots were returned.  My young ego was challenged.  I am sorry to admit that I went from ‘taking it easy on the old guy’ to sending back my best stuff with a ‘see what you can do with that, old man’ attitude.  Well the harder I hit the ball, the harder he returned my best shots…and he was hitting them to the corners with pinpoint accuracy making me run like a madman to try to return his laser missiles while he stood at the baseline and fired pinpoint accurate kill shots.  Well, I think you see where this is headed.  After a few hours I threw up my hands and met Mr. Stubblefield at the net admitting defeat.  I looked like someone showered me with a firehose and he had hardly broken a sweat.  As a once confident and fit young man I had given my best against an 80 year old geltleman and was soundly beaten.  It was quite a blow.  But that was not the end of my lesson in humility.  I returned to my home church the next week to find that Mr. Stubblefield went to bed a few days after our epic match and Mrs. Stubblefield woke the next morning to discover that during the night Crawley Stubblefield had quietly gone to Heaven.   

That was almost more than I could take.  An elderly man just a few days from death soundly defeated me in tennis.  Talk about a blow to a young cocky ego.  Then I realized that this was not as much of a bruised ego as it was a lesson in life.  Crawley Stubblefield lived a full life enjoying every moment until the end.  He beat a young cocky kid in tennis, went home and went to bed with his wife of 50 plus years and woke up in Heaven.  What a testimony. 

I have often thought of that lesson in life from many years ago.  None of us know when or how we will die.  I have often told people that I would like to know when I am going to die so I could eat ice cream, apple pie and Oreos all week just before I check out.  On a more serious note it is not about how or when we die but how we live each day.  None of us know when our lives will end.  James 4:14 tells us we “do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.”  Life is indeed brief, fragile and fleeting and we do not have tomorrow (or even the next breath) promised to us.  Thus is the value of the lesson I learned from Crawley Stubblefield many years ago. 

It is not as important when and how you die as how you live.  Crawley Stubblefield won his last tennis match against a man young enough to be his grandson and went home to go to bed with the love of his life and woke up in Heaven.  He did not worry about when or how he would die but how he lived each day.  He wrote that script as he lived each day to his fullest.  Jesus said, “I came that you may have life and have it abundantly.” (John 10:10). 

The best way to live an abundant full life is to live each moment to the fullest with Jesus as your Savior and Lord, forgiving and loving each person you encounter each day.  We never know when we will have our last tennis match, final conversation or last encounter with a loved one so we need to do the best to make each moment as positive as we can.  I am eternally grateful for for the lesson in humility and life I received from losing the tennis match to Crawley Stubblefield many years ago.  He taught me more about life that about tennis.  He taught me to savor each day. Make the most of each encounter with everyone you meet, love those whom you cherish the most.  That is how to win in the game of life.