It was the morning after the famous comedian and actor Robin
Williams had committed suicide. I had
just finished a morning meeting with my staff.
As I was returning to my office I stopped by my secretary’s desk to see
if there were any messages I had missed while meeting with my staff. She told me there was a man in the waiting
area outside my office who said he needed to talk to a pastor. One never knows what that means, often it is
someone seeking financial help, but after doing this for many years you learn
to keep an open mind and seek to help as you are able.
By his appearance the man seemed clearly not to be a ‘street
person’ seeking financial help. He was
middle-aged and well dressed. I asked
him to come into my office and have a seat as I inquired how I may be helpful
to him. He paused and stared at me and
then said, “Suppose a person does
something really really bad just before they die, will they go to Hell?” With
the news of Robin Williams’ suicide so fresh I felt that I knew what he was
asking. I also knew I had to be careful
in how I responded. One never takes
talk of suicide lightly. People have
often wondered if suicide is an unpardonable sin, because one cannot confess
and receive forgiveness for that final act.
That assumption is theologically wrong for several reasons.
First, while regular confession of sin is important as we
continually need to acknowledge actions from which we need to repent, it is
essential to remember that our sin was forgiven on the cross 2000 years
ago. Our profession of faith in that action
and acceptance of His gift of salvation gives us forgiveness of all sin. A person’s eternal destiny depends on our
relationship with Jesus not on the last act we commit before we die, whether
the final act is sinful or not. When one
is born again as a child of God one cannot lose their salvation or their status
in the family of God. The scriptures are
clear on that matter. Our faith in
Christ, not our last action determines our eternal destiny. One could utter a word of profanity in their
last breath and that final sinful utterance would not affect the eternal
destiny of a born again child of God. The
theologically correct answer is not always the most helpful one when someone is
contemplating self-harm. If I told him
that he would not lose his salvation by taking his own life I might be giving
him the permission he was seeking to harm himself.
I began a conversation to find out why he felt so
discouraged and hopeless. Then I began
showing him reasons to live and ways to improve his attitude and
situation. To my relief he left the
office with a different attitude. As
time went on I wondered how things turned out for the stranger who wandered
into my office that day seeking permission to end his life. Several months later I was delighted to see
him sitting in the congregation with his wife. Both were enjoying a better life.
I am
reminded of two poems (yes, I did pay attention and remember some things from
those literature classes). The first is ‘Richard
Corey’ by Edward Arlington Robinson;
Whenever Richard Cory
went down town,
We people on the
pavement looked at him:
He was a gentleman
from sole to crown,
Clean favored, and
imperially slim.
And he was always
quietly arrayed,
And he was always
human when he talked;
But still he fluttered
pulses when he said,
"Good-morning,"
and he glittered when he walked.
And he was rich—yes,
richer than a king—
And admirably schooled
in every grace:
In fine, we thought
that he was everything
To make us wish that
we were in his place.
So on we worked, and waited
for the light,
And went without the
meat, and cursed the bread;
And Richard Cory, one
calm summer night,
Went home and put a
bullet through his head.
The second
poem is entitled ‘Not Waving but Drowning ‘ by Stevie Smith;
Nobody heard him, the dead
man,
But still he lay
moaning:
I was much further out
than you thought
And not waving but
drowning.
Poor chap, he always
loved larking
And now he’s dead
It must have been too
cold for him his heart gave way,
They said.
Oh, no no no, it was
too cold always
(Still the dead one
lay moaning)
I was much too far out
all my life
And not waving but
drowning.
Both poems
and my experience with the visitor in my office that day cause me to reflect on
how we rarely know the burdens that those we encounter every day may be
carrying. We need to be constantly sensitive
to the actions and cries for help that may often be subtle or hidden but are
around us every day. People we envy, who
seem to have it all together may be like Ricard Corey living lonely and
despondent lives. Others we encounter
may be like the man who came to my office that day. He really did not want to end his life. Those who have made that fateful decision
usually follow through without seeking permission. He really wanted desperately for someone to
know he was ‘not waving but drowning’.
Seek to be
aware of those you encounter. They may feel
that they have gone out too far in their life and are drowning. They need rescuing encouragement rather than
a polite courteous response. A return wave may be a polite response but if
the person is not waving but drowning they may need more. It can become easy to get so caught up in
your own self that you see and envy those who seem to ‘have it all’ wishing
your life was like theirs all the while we can miss their cry for help as their
life is not as ideal as we imagine. Or
we can become so busy and consumed with our own interests that others around us
become invisible. Never be in too much
of a hurry to hear and respond to what people are really trying to
communicate. Don’t miss the opportunity
to reach out and show love to anyone you encounter.
If you are
ever like Richard Corey and feel lost, hopeless and lonely don’t be afraid to talk
to someone about your feelings. Don’t ‘keep
up appearances’ until you become too discouraged to go on. It is never wrong or too late to let someone
know you feel like you are drowning.
There is often a stigma in seeking help or counseling when, in fact,
those who seek help are actually heathier.
All of us have problems from time to time that may seem to overwhelm us
and cause us to feel as if we are drowning.
It is unhealthier to deny and suppress those feeling than to share them
with someone who may be able to help you through the struggle. When seeking help or referring others to help
always consider what I call ‘the 3 C’s’
; seek the help of someone who is a competent Christian counselor. So whether you are discouraged, hopeless
feeling as if you are drowning or if you need to be more sensitive to those you
encounter remember the hope we all need to carry and share is Jesus. As long as there is Christ there is
hope.
Never envy
what someone else has. Never give up on
your own situation. Never get so caught up
in your life that you become unaware or insensitive to those around you. We are all in this journey together. Never be afraid to listen or share with
others you encounter along the way. Don’t
worry about having all the answers. None
of us truly have it all together. We all
just need to know there are others who may be struggling along with us. As D. T. Niles eloquently stated; "Christianity is one beggar telling
another beggar where he found bread"
