God, Billy Graham and me!

It was May 16, 1975 and I was miserable.  I was 23 years old with no idea what to do with my life.  I had a horrible job and lived alone in a large city where I knew very few people except those I worked with and they could not be considered friends.  I was rarely home long enough to make friends.  I was a traveling field representative for a company in Jackson, MS.  I left the office each Monday morning heading to different parts of the state with my travel agenda for the week and usually did not get home until Friday evening.  I had a company car, expense account and traveled all over the state.  I would usually be in a different city and motel each night.  That may have sounded exciting initially for a 23 year old but it got old in a hurry.  Once I would finish work in the town I was in there was usually nothing for me to do.  Each evening I was a stranger in a strange town.  I soon learned why some traveling businessmen wind up in a bar at the end of each day.  I didn’t drink so I usually sat in my room channel surfing.  Once I was so bored I ate dinner twice.  Hey, I was young and could eat more in those days and the company paid for it.  I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life but I knew that this was not it. 

Most Friday’s I had no reason or excitement to rush home after work was done.  There was usually no one to meet and nothing to do.  However, this Friday was different.  After work I was going home to see Billy Graham.  No, he was not at my apartment waiting for me.  He was holding a crusade in Jackson.  As a believer I had long been praying and seeking God’s plan for my life however, I kept coming up empty.  Somehow I had a notion that God was going to speak to me and give my life the direction I needed through Billy Graham.  I was eager to finish my work and head home.  I was working a few accounts in Memphis.  It was about a three hour drive home to Jackson.  I knew I might miss the opening music but I had grown up in church and knew most of the hymns anyway.  Billy was the one I was going to hear. 

As I drove down I-55 from Memphis to Jackson it started raining.  “No, it can’t rain.  God, don’t you know I’m going to Billy’s crusade to have a special encounter with you?”  He must have heard my frantic prayer uttered while I was driving because the rain let up and the crusade would go on.  The stadium was wet but packed.  I made my way down front.  I wanted to be close to the field so I could be one of the first to ‘come forward’ as the choir began to sing, ‘Just As I Am’ after the invitation was given.  All of my excitement was drowned in the damp evening as Billy Graham approached the pulpit and announced his topic for the evening; this was going to be a special message on marriage and family.  It would be especially for those who are married, soon to marry or seeking to marry.  I did not fit any of those categories.  I was single with no girlfriend.  I didn’t even have the prospect of a date in the near future.  I wanted to leave.  If I had not been sitting so close to the front I would have but it would have been quite embarrassing to be the only person in recorded history to get up and walk out before Billy Graham even started his message.  So I stayed.

To this day I cannot tell you anything about the sermon but I can tell you what happened.  As I write and recall that evening 43 years later I still get goosebumps.  Somewhere in the message I felt a strange sensation.  To this day I have a hard time explaining or even understanding it but I knew God had reached down and touched my life.  I was already saved but this was a touch that began my journey to follow a call into ministry.  That journey led me to my wife and family with all the blessings God has given me in the years since that night.  No, I did not hear a voice, see a burning bush or have a vision.   But I knew God had touched my life and had given me new direction and meaning.  I wanted to run out share my experience but Billy was still preaching.   I sat there and waited for the invitation and as ‘hundreds moved forward to profess Christ’ one person ran in the opposite direction to call someone, a family member or anyone to share the feeling I was experiencing. 

God taught me two important truths that night that shaped my life and ministry to this day.  First, I learned the significance of a spirit of expectation.  God can touch anyone at any time no matter their attitude, but a spirit of expectation creates a door that God likes to use.  Expectation and faith are blood brothers.  Notice how many times people were healed by Jesus because they believed He could heal them.  See how often he said, “Your faith has healed you.”  When you wake each day do you wake with a spirit of expectation seeking what God has in store for you?  Do you go to church expecting to have an encounter with the living God or do you go because it is Sunday’s habit?  Try living with a spirit of faith expecting Godly encounters on a daily basis and see what a difference it will make.

Secondly, God taught me that it is not always important to understand Him and how He works.  After years of theological study on a Masters and Doctoral level, I have yet to sufficiently understand or explain how God moved in my life that night.  God is greater than my understanding and comprehension.  He also knows each one of us individually and how best to speak in our lives.  Duh! He created us.  So, He deals with each of us according to His best way to connect with us.  Don’t waste too much time trying to figure how things happened.  That is what Jesus scolded Nicodemus for in John 3.  I like the example of Vance Havner, the country preacher who said, “I do not understand all about electricity, but I don't intend to sit in the dark until I do.”  As long as your experience does not contradict scripture trust God by faith and follow where He leads. 

Don’t compare the experience, ‘wisdom’ or ‘helpful advice’ of others above what you know God did or is doing in your life.  Jesus healed several blind people.  Once he spit on the ground, made some mud with the saliva, and put it on the man’s eyes and told him, “wash in the Pool of Siloam”.  Another time He spit on the man’s eyes and put his hands on him.  He simply told Bartimaeus, a blind beggar, “Go; your faith has made you well.” There’s that phrase again.  Jesus dealt with each as needed.  Each person was blind and given the miracle of sight but in a different fashion.  One was not better or ‘more spiritual’ than the other.  The result was the same in all.  Jesus gave them all the same miracle of sight.  Your experience with God may not be as dramatic or easy to explain as someone else.  Don’t be troubled.  If you have an experience with the living God that does not contradict scripture, it may not be something you can fully understand or explain but don’t let that stop you or discourage you from following God by faith through your unique life. 

Forty three years ago, on a cool damp night at a Billy Graham crusade, God touched me in a way I have yet to fully understand or explain however each day I rise and follow His direction by faith.  That’s what Paul is saying in Philippians 3:13-15; “Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have laid hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize of God’s heavenly calling in Christ Jesus.  All of us who are mature should embrace this point of view.” Like Paul, I have not ‘laid hold’ on understanding all God has done and is doing but by faith, I will continue to ‘press on’ by faith until I encounter Billy Graham again…in Heaven!  

Or...

For the past few months I have been on a medical odyssey that, as sportscasters are fond of saying, seems like “Déjà vu all over again”. Let me explain.  At the end of February, 2001 I began a journey that started with a kidney stone and led to the discovery of three aneurysms outside both kidneys and a rare renal artery disease.  My mother died at age 68 with an aneurysm so this got my attention.  I wound up having to go to a major medical facility in another state where a specialist performed two major abdominal surgeries (one in June and the other in November) to remove the aneurysms and a complete renal artery bypass.  Where young male fitness models have a set of six-pack abs I now have a softball sized space with no feeling.  I have a medical excuse for not being able to suck in my gut.  But, each morning I look at the 25 inch scar as a reminder that I could have died 18 years ago. 

I had never had a kidney stone before, but I have always been thankful for that stone as it led to lifesaving discoveries.  Now 18 years later I was diagnosed with my second stone in August.  Since that time I have had a similar journey of one test leading to another.  Hopefully it will all result in a positive result.  I get to meet a lot of new doctors as a result.  Earlier this week a nurse called to let me know my doctor wants to do another test Monday as the last lab report showed something he wanted to check with my liver.  I asked what “we” would be looking with my liver in this latest procedure.  She replied that it could be a couple of minor things or a tumor.  I guess being blunt is the new sensitivity. 

That answer got me thinking for several reasons.  First, harking back to my previously mentioned situation in 2001, I was reminded that while most of the time these tests don’t show any serious or alarming results but, there can always be the times when you get a result that is not the news you want to hear.  Tumor is one of those results you usually prefer not to hear.  However, I was really taken more by one brief word in her answer and believe it or not it was much shorter than the word ‘tumor’.  That was the word ‘OR’.  “It could be a couple of minor things OR a tumor”, the little two letter word ‘OR’ can make a big difference. 

OR, used in a sentence, usually separates two options/choices.  One being better than the other OR they could be two polar opposites such as, “This could be a great experience OR it could kill me.”  It also could separate two similar options with one being slightly better OR slightly worse than the other; “Would you like ice cream, pie OR both?” (That’s a no-brainer), “Would you prefer a spanking OR being grounded for three weeks?” (Wonder why that came to mind so quickly?).  Anyway I think you get the point I am trying to make that the word ‘OR’ can be a very important and very powerful word. 

The way you look at the ‘OR’s’ in your life can determine whether you have a positive uplifting experience OR suffer a negative pessimistic life.  Let me show you what I mean.  No matter what happens with medical tests or any other event in life, you have a choice with how you react and respond to the ‘OR’.  While we may not have much control to be able to change a situation, we have total control of which ‘OR’ we choose to follow.  That realization can make a profound change.  I can let this situation get the best of me OR I can make the best of this situation!  You see how the ‘OR’ can make all the difference?  When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.  People who live discouraged and disappointed lives usually make a habit of going with the worst option/decision separated by the ‘OR’.  People who live abundant joyful fulfilled lives that encourage others make a practice of going with the best option/decision separated by the ‘OR’.  What we do with the OR can make all the difference in life. 

I could go on and try to wax eloquently trying to make a simple point OR I could cut to the chase and make the point.  I choose the latter.  I know it is a simple message but look at it this way; you can take this brief message as inspiration to continually seek the better and more positive choice that will lead to an abundant joyful fulfilled life OR…

Is This About Me?

I hope you are sitting down because I am going to tell you to do something that will dramatically show you the cause of 99% of your problems.  OK, now that you are sitting down I want you to get up and go into the nearest bathroom.  Stand in front of the sink and look straight ahead at the mirror.  You are now standing face to face with your biggest problem.  That’s Right, no matter how much you want to make excuses, you are usually the one to blame.  The greatest hindrance for your spiritual growth can also be found by looking in the mirror.  We get in our own way more often than we wish to admit or realize.  We are born with a nature that causes us to love ourselves.  Look at a 2 year old.  They aren’t taught that they are the center of the universe.  They just know it!  It is not only 2 year olds who suffer with this overblown sense of self-importance.  Try this experiment at any age; get a group picture that includes you.  It doesn’t have to be a large group.  It could be three or thirty in the picture.  Now look at the picture.  Who did you look for first?  Go on, it’s just me and you…it’s ok to admit we usually look for ourselves first.  We can’t help it. 

This self-love/narcissism is vital in developing our self-image.  It is important and healthy that we first develop a healthy self-love.  But it is equally important and healthy that we learn to consider others rather than exclusively dwell on ourselves.  Jesus sums all scriptural teaching ‘Greatest Commandment’, “love our neighbor as we love ourselves” (Matt. 22:39).  He was quoting the Old Testament teaching from Leviticus 19:18.  Both Old & New Testaments both teach and command a healthily balance of self-love combined with love for others.

However, many hang on to narcissism too long, miss the full life God intended for emotional and spiritual maturity.  If we stay “the center of the universe” in our mind & emotion we’re in for a long difficult time, not to mention those around us.  It’s so sad to see people well past their 2nd birthday still behaving as if they believed the world existed for them. Many go to church faithfully, many become leaders in the church and community.  Some even stand behind pulpits or rise to the highest political offices. They become experts in advancing through charm, bullying, deception, manipulation or whatever it takes to advance their ego.  And there it is…the identity of the real culprit: EGO.  Ego is defined by Webster as “a person's sense of self-esteem or self-importance”.  I found a more telling definition as EGO means to Edge God Out! 

You see the more we are concerning about our self-esteem or self-importance the more we push God out of our lives.  You cannot follow Jesus and follow your own desires!  You cannot follow Jesus and follow the desires of others (pleasing them)!  To follow Jesus, you must deny self (die to self)!  The way may not be easy but it is worthwhile.  The more we proceed in diminishing our narcissism, our self-centeredness & sense of self-importance, the more we find ourselves not only less fearful of death but also less fearful of the worries of life.   This is the mysterious and wonderful paradox in real life!  The more we release the more we gain!  It is only when we take our mind/eye off of self that we can truly see/think of others & love others.  Only when we do not think of ourselves or our feelings can we really serve & love unconditionally.  Only when we no longer fear loss of life can we be free to live life.  Satan can no longer manipulate us with fear.  Dead people aren’t scared of anything.  Satan can no longer worry or burden us.  Dead people aren’t worried about anything.  Satan can no longer embarrass us. Dead people aren’t embarrassed about anything.  Next time you are at a funeral look inside the casket and say, “I can’t believe they are wearing that outfit.  It looks awful.”  It’s OK you won’t hurt their feelings or embarrass them.  Excuse me for sounding harsh but I think you get my point. 

It is amazing how much of our life is affected by what others say or think of us or what we want them to say or think of us.  Look at how often events, large or small, boil down to advancing or soothing a person’s ego.  It may be the ego of one who has advanced themselves to be a head of state, leader of a religious movement, neighborhood group or head of a family.  Whatever the level may be, the egotist will do whatever it takes for their own cause, belief or feelings.  So much of their whole existence is controlled by what others think or say about them.  This is the complete opposite of true spiritual maturity.  The spiritually mature person is only concerned with one opinion, what does God think?

The first step in true spiritual maturity is realizing and admitting that it is not about me!  Jesus tried to drill that point home continually.  Luke 9:23, Matthew 16:24. Mark 8:24 all teach the essential truth that following Jesus means death to our own ego.  It no longer matters what we want, think or feel; all is put aside to follow Jesus so we think, feel and want as He does.  There is a great freedom when we do not have to worry about what others do, think or say about us because the important thing is that they see Jesus in us.  That is the key that gave Enoch freedom from the difficulties of life and death.  The fifth chapter of Genesis tells us Enoch walked with God for most of his life.  What happens when we walk with someone? Imagine that you and a close friend are enjoying a walk down a country lane. You are in close proximity. You talk, laugh, listen, and share your hearts. Your attention is focused on this person to the exclusion of almost everything else. You notice the beauty around you or an occasional distraction, but only to point it out to your companion. You share it together. You are in harmony, and you both enjoy the peaceful camaraderie.  Walking with God is like that.

Finally Enoch came to the place where “he was no more”.  That may mean that God took him from this world in a way that avoided the fate of death that we all will experience. Or could it mean that Enoch was so surrendered to walk with or follow God with his entire being that people no longer saw Enoch but looked upon him and saw God?  In other words for all practical purposes Enoch no longer lived but God lived completely through Enoch.  Isn’t Paul saying the same thing in Philippians 1:21 where he states; “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.”?

So, as Ross Perot was fond of saying, “Here’s the deal”.  No matter how long or short our life may be, the best use of the day(s) we have is to put our feelings, desires, thoughts and agenda aside and walk with God putting His desires, thoughts and agenda first.  The more we practice sacrificial love for God and our fellowman the more we realize the wonderful freedom of no longer worrying about what others think or say about us.  We no longer have to be anxious about what is happening in the world around us or the future because we know that God is accomplishing His purpose in, with and through us and He will take us in His time as he did Enoch.  I like the way a young girl expressed her understanding of Enoch as she described it this way; “God and Enoch enjoyed walking, talking and being together so much that they lost track of time and one day as the sun was going down God said; “Enoch, we are closer to my house than yours so just come and stay there.”  

The path to freedom from hurt feelings, fear, and anxiety is the path of surrendering your ego to completely follow God every day.  Life then becomes a journey of loving others as you walk with God until one day He says, “Hey, we are closer to my home than yours so just stay with me!”