It was one of those recent beautiful autumn days when you
enjoyed having the car window down. We
were sitting at a traffic light in the lane designated to go straight or turn
left. There was a car next to us in the lane
designated to turn right with two young ladies who also were enjoying the
weather with their car windows down. We
smiled at one another as we waited for the light to turn green. At once one of those oversized pickup trucks
pulled up behind her car. You know the type;
they drive right up to your rear bumper and look down at your car letting you
know they could devour you for a light snack.
He immediately began honking the horn.
He obviously wanted her to turn right on the red light so he could move
on and intimidate other drivers. She was
not comfortable with doing as he wished.
She looked at us, raised her eyebrows and cocked her head backwards
toward the bully with the loud horn and big truck, saying; “He be awright. He don’t own this!” as she nodded her
head and pointed to herself. I loved it
and gave her a thumb’s up with a big smile. When the light changed and she felt comfortable and safe she made her
right-hand turn and we all moved on. However, that moment stayed with me.
I have often pondered on how much we allow our lives to be
affected and intimidated by the expectations of others. This young lady eloquently stated she was not
concerned about being bullied into doing something uncomfortable. She was comfortable owning and living up to
her expectations rather than those of the stranger behind her seeking to force
her to do something she was clearly not at ease doing. The driver of the truck would indeed be
alright waiting his turn for the light to change.
Our life is too precious and brief to be spent seeking to
please or live up to the expectations of others. We are each unique individuals. The Psalmist tells us that we are ‘fearfully and wonderfully made’ (Psalm
139:14.) We each have our unique and
individual personality, set of gifts, thoughts and pathway to life a fulfilling
life. There is no one quite like you. There has never been anyone quite like
you. You have your own pathway to pursue
and offer this world. Our life is best
lived following the direction and leadership of our creator rather than the
well-intentioned or bullying expectations of others whether they are family,
friends or strangers. As we live
following the direction and leadership of our creator we will also make the
best contribution to the world and those around us.
A little over forty years ago I received wonderful advice
from a spiritual mentor during my public ordination service to the ministry. I sat on the front row of the church as Rev.
Harry Morotto preached a ‘charge to the church’ that was ordaining me into the
ministry. His message explained the
seriousness and responsibilities of publicly setting aside a young man to be
recognized as a minister. That message
was followed by ‘charge to the candidate’.
This was a sermon directed exclusively to me. I sat on the front row while the congregation
watched and listened to Rev. Paul Davis, the Director of Missions for the
Sedgwick County Baptist Association; as he delivered a strong message directed to
me. I still remember the moment and the
symbolism.
Rev. Davis was a tall distinguished man well known and
respected for his lengthy career in ministry.
He looked down on me as he spoke from the platform and pulpit that was
already several feet above the floor. I
sat on the front pew looking up at him, which I would have done even if we
stood at the same level. He was 6’3” and
I am 5’7” on my best day. He had a thick
headful of gray hair and was well seasoned in life and ministry. I had a thick headful of blonde hair and was
still green and inexperienced in ministry and much of life. So in that setting, as I was beginning my
career in ministry, he gave me wise counsel on the responsibilities of life as
a public minister. There was one moment
that is burned in my memory. He uttered the
following sentence; “Please God first and yourself second.” He then paused to let those words sink
in. That is some of the best advice one
could receive no matter what career or pathway in life is pursued.
If God is pleased with me then I should be pleased with
myself as well. If God is pleased with
me it means that I am acting in a way of kindness and compassion as I ‘love God
with all my heart and love my neighbor as I love myself’ (Matthew 22:36-40). If I am living my life pleasing God and I am also
pleased with such a pathway, it really should not matter what others think or
expect of me. People have many different
expectations for their pastor, child, sibling, friend, boss, employee,
co-worker, etc. One can drive themselves
crazy trying to please and meet the various expectations of others. We are best served, and serve others best by
following God’s expectations. After all He
is the only one to whom we will be finally and eternally accountable.
King Solomon, who was known for his gift of wisdom, searched
all the ways one could experience life and concluded Ecclesiastes 12:13-14 with this: “Now all has been heard; here is
the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is
the duty of all mankind. For God will
bring every deed into judgment including every hidden thing, whether it is good
or evil.” In other words it doesn’t
matter what you do or think the only thing that matters in the end is God’s
judgement on the way you lived.
So never worry about the expectations or opinions of
others. In the words of another wise
man, Theodor Seuss "Ted" Geisel better known by most as Dr. Seuss: “Be
who you are and say how you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and
those who matter don't mind.”
