Hi, my name is Bill and I have a secret confession to
make. I have been in a ‘spiritual funk’ for a while. That is not a term I learned at seminary but
I believe it is one with which many can identify, even if it is difficult to
admit in public. Most of us, especially
those who profess to be Christian, are led to believe that we should always
present a positive spin and outlook no matter what is going on in our lives or
in the world around us. I can remember
being puzzled and confused years ago by what I called ‘Praise the Lord Anyway’ people at seminary and church. You may know the type. I think they mean well but it seems that they
never get past a superficial smile, a trite saying or shallow quote and never
seem to have a thought deeper than the first step of a wading pool.
They are the type who will pat you on the back when you are
going through a devastating time and say something like; “It will be OK!”, “God has a plan.”, “All things happen for a purpose.”,
or “God must have a lot of faith in you to give you such a burden.” You may want to write my seminaries and
seek to have my Masters and Doctorate ministry degrees revoked but there are
times when I would like to smack those words with a 9 iron. In my anger I would probably swing too hard
and miss with my driver. After a more
civil breath I really just want to respond with; “No, it will never be OK. Things
will never be the same. I know God
always has a plan and purpose but at this moment I am struggling and in pain
and I WOULD LIKE SOME KIND OF A CLUE!”
There are times when life gives
us such a punch in the gut that no matter how sincere we may be in our faith we
know things will never be the same in our lives again. We may find ways to cope and go on and
sometimes we believe we will eventually find a blessing in the mess but for now
we just wonder “Why?” or we just need to cry and be sad. Being sad in sad situations is OK. In fact, it is natural. I went through a long period of sadness when
my mother died suddenly at age 68. I
still have sad times when I miss her and think of the things she missed that
she would have loved. I was saddened to
see my father decline as he came to the point where he could not take care of
himself and moved into our home. It was
sad to see the man who was my childhood hero, who seemed to be able to do
anything he set his mind on doing now not being able to do menial things in
taking care of himself. I am saddened as
we see the same deterioration with my father and mother-in-law. I admit being sad and sometimes having my
faith shaken when I know the testimonies of faithfulness exhibited by my
parents and that of my wife’s parents and see how they deteriorated and still suffer
in their last days.
While I am at it, I might as well
admit I also become distressed when friends and family members die at an early
age. I guess it is hard for me to
realize that I am at that age…you know the one our elders used to joke about…when
you read the obituaries and don’t see your name, you know it is a good
day. However, it seems that when I arrived
in my mid-60’s the obituaries regularly contain the names of friends and family…many
my age or younger. The latest was two
days ago. She was 6 months older than
me. It’s not really that I am afraid of
dying. I like the Woodie Allen quote, “I am not afraid of dying. I just don’t want to be there when it
happens.” I just get tired of seeing
the effect on those family members and loved ones left behind.
As I make this confession of
periods of struggles with my faith, I don’t think I am alone. In fact, I know that others struggle with the
same or similar issues and questions of faith.
Mother Teresa wrote letters that revealed a 40 year crisis of
faith. She wrote of feeling unwanted
& unloved by God. She even admitted
that she had begun to doubt the existence of heaven and God. In one missive she wrote, “I call, I cling, I want, and there is no
one to answer, no, no one. Alone. Where is my faith? even deep down right in
there is nothing. I have no faith. I dare not utter the words and thoughts that
crowd in my heart.” Anyone who has
even the slightest heart of compassion cannot avoid such questions when faced
with human suffering in any form.
Even Jesus, when in the midst of
unjustly being tortured and executed on the cross with the suffering of all
humanities’ sin placed on him, felt forsaken by God as he cried out; "My
God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Matthew 27:46). So don’t fret if you, like me, go through
some of these times and feelings. There
are times when, like Mother Teresa, that these dark times seem to linger too
long.
The word crisis comes from the
Greek KRISIS (decision) and KRINEIN (decide). A crisis of belief is a turning
point where you must decide what you believe about God. Paul writes about dealing with his ‘crisis of
faith’ in Philippians 3 where he admits that he does not have it all worked out
yet; “But
one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I
press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me
heavenward in Christ Jesus.”
So, if/when you have times like
Paul and me when you have those ‘dark nights of the soul’ and have not got it
all worked out yet or when you feel that God has forsaken you, like Mother
Teresa, Jesus, and I have felt don’t give up.
In those times, remember that you are not alone. Also, like Paul, all I know that I (we) can
do is “Press On” and…gosh I can’t believe I am saying this…”Praise
the Lord anyway!”
